Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
