i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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