maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
