Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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