Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
