Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
