He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
