i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love you.
Bad choice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
