apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
