i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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