Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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