So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
