There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
