Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish you could order shots online.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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