They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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