no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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