I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
