she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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