There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
