i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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