I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
