Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
