Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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