So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
