she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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