dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
