morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
