Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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