There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
