I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
