you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it because I queefed?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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