forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
