Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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