just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize