i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
