I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
