you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
