No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
