It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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