glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
