I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
