So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
