Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
