I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
