I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
