Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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