She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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