Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
