Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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