my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
