I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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