he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
