that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
