evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
