Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
