the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
