Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
