This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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