if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's Friday. Sex?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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