Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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