i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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