My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
