i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's like heaven, but drunker
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?