I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
